hopeless

There are things you just can explain.... moments that, somehow, seem to steel everything from you... your dreams, your expectations, your future... living without future it's not living... i'ts surviving... and that was not what i signed to ... I had dreams... i had ideas of how my life would be... and now i feel life i am being robbed of everything i accomplished...i know that my life is not as bad as most of the people we see and hear in the news... i know that i still have a home... i am still able to have my son in daycare... but with all the fuzz around me... with all the fuzz inside me .... i feel like i just cant cope with it... am i a fragile person? Am i one of the weaks that will disappear according to Darwin's rules? Maybe... maybe i was not made for this world... maybe... and for that i am ashamed... ashamed for my parents, for my son, for my husband, for my god, for the entire mankind... i dont deserve all the hopes and dreams you inspired in me... i am not worthy of  all the effort you still continue to make... i just dont deserve... Why dont you just leave me to give up? if i cant cope... i know... i know what all them will think... she's weak... she has always been the weakest... Everything was a problem to her... She was never happy, never satisfied with what she had... and she had much...

I know all this things... by heart... i repeat them to me... but it just doesnt work... does not make any difference... i remain as i am and nothing changes...

Oh god... please tell my what i am doing here? Whats the purpose? I just dont know... i dont know...